Saturday, August 28, 2010

where's my mid-30s discount, dammit?

gahhh! my husband's birthday is tuesday. it just hit me yesterday. he can't possibly be turning 33. he just can't.

and why not? (this is what you may be asking yourself now)

because it means there is only 6.5 months until i turn 33. that is mid-30s. i don't want to be in my mid-30s. in fact, i don't want to get any older at all. i'm good, right where i'm at and i'd like to keep it this way.

older means more gray hairs. yeah. more. i started finding a random silver strand way back in my mid-20s. i deemed it a fluke of nature, would pull it out and carry on. now, i have a bunch. a BUNCH? really? how can that be? kids don't get gray hair. old folks get gray hair. i am still a kid. luckily i still get told all the time that i have a very young face but in the past few years i have stopped getting carded for alcohol and smokes. my ego hurts a little.

older to me means more sickness. more aches. more pains. longer time needed to heal. we all know what a sickly little thing i am now and it has only gotten worse and i don't see that trend turning around any time soon. i exercise. i take my flintstones vitamins. i wear my seatbelt and sunscreen. however, all that considered, by the time i reach middle age, i will be a complete basket case. i'll be hot roding around the Mart on my hovaround and yelling at more able-bodied folks to get the hell out of my way. i don't really want to be that lady.

older also means my kid gets older. scary thought. i prefer him this age and this size. he's portable without baby gear and is still happy to be seen in public holding mommy's hand. in fact he nearly tackles me if we get out of the car in a parking lot and don't grab his hand quick enough to please him. he knows he better be white-knuckling me in a parking lot.

so i go out today to get my darling husband a birthday present. we don't usually exchange big or meaningful gifts. if we do anything he might get me flowers delivered to my job or i will find something i know he will find funny and give him that. i went to Hooters. the last time i was there with him we saw a tee shirt that had a funny thing printed on it that happened to be funny pretty much only because he has said it at least a million times himself. it was tacky as hell and right up our alley.

i guess older also means that even as uptight and neurotic as i can be, i am becoming more and more laid back and at peace with the world as a whole. ten years ago i would have scoffed at going to hooters, to eat or to shop for a birthday present. even as a joke. ten years ago, a lot was different. so much so that i feel younger now than i did when i was 22 or 23.

does wisdom come with age? hmmmm. does life experience equal wisdom? no, not exactly. am i any wiser? probably not. so it goes. pretty soon i'll be so old and senile i won't know the difference anyway and how bad could that be?

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