Saturday, December 27, 2008

surviving christmas. just barely.

after our trek to see the doctor last monday, i was told that both my son and i had strep throat. he also had double ear infections. we had dualing coughs, fevers, the works. we left with matching mommy-&-me antibiotic prescriptions.

and thus began five days of hell. mine was fine and little by little i am almost back to 100%. my child's antibiotic, however, made him even sicker. i will spare you the details but mark my words, he will NEVER take that medication again. he has hardly eaten in over a week but his appetite has finally started to reemerge.

Christmas was wonderful, aside from feeling like death was knocking at my door. my family and friends showered my son with so many great gifts. he scored such things as a toddler size drum set, a huge train table set up, a tool bench, tons of books and clothes. we took dozens of pictures of the present opening but because the boy was so sickly, he has a nasty runny nose in almost every single one. this is the initial thrill with the drums.

and this is my little man rocking his first drum solo while little cousin in her brand new jammies looks on.

so here's hoping nobody else catches the crud we had. all the kids in the family had it and half of us adults had it as well. i also hope that your christmas was as wonderful and fulfilling as mine was.

Monday, December 22, 2008

time to put this old girl down.

just take me out to the barn and humanely euthanize me, please. i am quite certain i have pneumonia and probably some other lung-digesting disease as well. the sickness is sucking the stregth right out of my bones and muscles. in the last few days i have become one feeble, exhausted, dying lump of whimpering and coughing flesh.

i managed to get a doctor's appointment today and they are willing to see both me and my son at the same time since we are both gulping our last breaths and withering away from the same ailment. hopefully we can survive just a few more hours to make it into town to the clinic.

i am rather looking forward to the doctor's office. i can safely doze and let the hellion sickly toddler roam around the exam room which willbe kid-safe with no worries. doctors are always running late so i can pretty much count on getting a good hour long snooze there. note to self: take a pillow and blanket.

drink up my words and my twisty black thoughts because surely you understand the heaviness of malady now. i may not be back to share my thoughts again...

Merry Christmas or happy whatever winter holiday you may celebrate. may you find much love and joy this week.

Friday, December 19, 2008

bah humbug.

too much is happening around me, about me, with me and without me. my thoughts have been going ninety to nothing lately as i am trying to keep up with everything and attempt to maintain some shread of my newly found and cherished sanity. my god, it seems that heartache and pain is striking so many people lately, i almost feel guilty taking any pleasure out of anything i do.

two very important things i need to say.
1. the previously mentioned person in need of an organ transplant has found a match. this is a very big and important step in getting her heathier. this is wonderful news.

2. my oldest and best friend on the planet lost a grandparent on wednesday evening. to her family, i am so very sorry. i love you all and my deepest sympathies go out to you. this time of the year has been so hard for your crew the last few years but i know that you are a strong and loving family and that will help you all cope.

in my own world, i am sick AGAIN, as is my son. my mother was in a hit and run accident last weekend. i have crippling cramps. a selfish and manipulative member of my extended family is making everyone insane with her awful behavior. i have friends who have lost family members and pets this week. i am simply spent: physically, emotionally and mentally.

just give me a couple of days. once i can get a handle on this cold or flu or whatever it is, i will bounce back. but for now i am run completely down.

Saturday, December 6, 2008


reader(s), there is nothing worse than feeling helpless. (see the entry below this one) sigh...

tonight is the christmas party for my husband's job. i don't even want to go. i don't feel much like going and plastering on a fake smile and pretending to enjoy the company of those other ridiculously superficial schlumberger wives. usually i am at least looking forward to the night of free booze, but even that doesn't even interest me today. yes, i am truly sad for my friend.

Friday, December 5, 2008

my heart hurts for a friend

i have a friend who is truly in need of a medical miracle for a member of her family. this friend is a wonderfully funny and smart and generous person. she has a smile and laugh that can light up a room. she works hard and is a good mother who would walk to the ends of the earth for her family. she tackles challenges with her head up.

nobody ever said life was fair, but damn, this is so unfair. this family shouldn't have to be in this position. i just can't imagine the fear and pain and stress. i can't imagine knowing that when you are in need of a transplant organ, that somebody else will have to lose their life to save yours.

if you pray, please pray. if you shake chicken bones, please shake them. if you are one with the universe, please put in a request that this family find some peace by way of a successful transplant.

Monday, December 1, 2008

i miss my husband: a whine

wah. call me a wahmbulance and feed me a wahmburger. give me some cheese because i want to whine.

my husband had to go to work to go on a job 3 hours from home, yesterday at 5 pm. he expected to get in by midday today. as if that wasn't sucky enough, nothing went as expected. which IS actually somewhat expected in the oilfield.

more than 24 hours later they are still in the same spot, with no progress and still don't know when they get to come home. he hasn't showered. he has barely had a couple hours to nap. it's been windy as hell outside and sorta cold.

i want my husband to come home. i want him to go to sleep next to me and steal the covers all night. i actually miss his pointy ass elbows jabbing into my back and sides. i want to cook him lasagne and i want to curl up on the couch with him once saaquatch gets put to bed.

right before i married him, another schlumberger wife who is old enough to be my mother warned me it would be like this. she told me i would live alone, raise any future chuildren alone, i would essentially be a widow. a schlumberger widow.

she was right. and while in the grand scheme of things i am ok with that, right now i am not. my husband's job provides for us and will hopefully keep providing for us until he retires in another 20 years or so. but i don't have to like it. i don't have to like him being gone on 20 hour work days and sometimes 36-72 hour "workdays". i don't have to like single parenting. i don't have to like sleeping alone. i don't have to like signing his name to cards because he is never home when it comes time to sign them.

i miss my husband and i want him to come home.